Advice Re: Mother Putting Child in Dangerous Situation

[DallasLDY]

I'm here for more advice about my 12-year old stepson.  He lives with his mother, and we see him every other weekend and on Wednesdays.

The mother of my stepson, let's call her Lori, works at a very manual labor job.  There is about a 35-year old man, let's call him Larry, who lived in a trailer on the property where she works.  He 'watched' the area at night for the company.  He was divorced and had no family in this area.

About a year ago, Lori told my husband that she was going to let their son go out of state with Larry to go hunting.  My husband told her he wasn't comfortable with his son going away alone with a man he didn't know.  Lori said that she had known this man through work for almost 2 years, and she trusted him.  My husband protested, she screamed that we were the only ones who thought it was strange.  My husband asked at least to meet the guy, Lori and Larry agreed, and then Larry took off with the boy without that happening, and prior to the agreed-upon meeting time.

We consulted an attorney, who told us that we had nothing to go on.  it was just like her choosing a baby-sitter.  none of our business, she had the option to let him do whatever she wanted.

Since that time, we found out that Lori has let the boy spend the night in Larry's trailer - just the two of them - on several occasions.  In addition, she had the boy lie to his father.  The boy was overheard telling someone about it, and ended it with "but don't tell my dad."  When questioned, he said his mother told him not to tell because his father would be mad.

His father is not violent in any way, shape or form.  He rarely even raises his voice to the boy, and has never spanked him or anything like that.  I have to do all of the disciplining, which usually consists of discussing with him what choices he has and how to make the right ones.

Last month, Larry moved away to another state, about 4 states away from us.  We were thrilled.  Then, we found out from the boy that Lori was sending the boy on a plane to meet up with the man in the other state.  First time on a plane by himself, no consultation, the boy told us the day before.

There have been several expensive presents to the boy, including an XBox, a shotgun, etc.  This man did not have a lot of money, but supposed had kids far away that he didn't get to see.  We even did some research on the guy and tried to contact his ex-wife just to see why he wasn't seeing his own children - if there was any hint of abuse.  his background doesn't show any arrests, but you never know.

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this?  I have no idea how a mother can put her son in a situation like this, which appears to be a textbook pedophile.  I may be wrong, and I certainly hope that I'm wrong, but what if I'm not?  And the attornies (we consulted 2) tell me there is absolutely nothing I can do.

Please help with suggestions.  We just have no more ideas, but she continues to do this.

[Misery]

Okay, myself, as custodial parent in PA, cannot send or take my children out of the state without notifying my ex husband.  I ALWAYS let him know what we are doing well in advance.

My current husband is a NCP, his ex tries this crap all the time, ships them off where ever and its A-OKAY with the courts, so I understand your dilema.  Crossing state lines with a child however, is a COMPLETELY different issue.  I am very surprised to hear there is nothing you can do in that situation.  And what kind of mother would ship her child away with a relative stranger like that? 

[carmella69]

Hi, I don't know what state you live in, but it seems to me that you're not making enough noise to get the attention you need to receive.  In most states, if someone discovers that your son is being sexually abused, the state can remove the child for the parent "putting the child in harm's way"...if you are attempting to intervene and nothing's being done, call CPS or the child protective agency in your state....has the child's behavior changed? Has he become more emotional, angry, insecure??? There are definitive signs to sexual abuse...even if this guy's "buying" his silence.  What gifts has the mother received for allowing this man full-access to your 12-year-old son? I live in Florida and NO parent can take the child across state lines without approval of the other parent; if the other parent doesn't approve, the court will hear the case on an "emergency" basis.  I wish you the best of luck...once sexual abuse happens to your child, their lives are changed forever.