so... here i go - i hope i'm not too late

[myboys_mltc]

i've avoided doing this for too long




i'm divorced - wife left me

not blaming it all on her - it was a chaotic marriage


i was in it for the long-haul -- i have four boys - Mark Luke Caleb and Timmy (10, 8, 4, 3)



after a long story - she now she has full physical and legal custody




i'm broke - can't pay child support - i'm way behind

i'm self-employed - trying everything i can to get my business going - get another one going - getting into insurance... getting a real estate license - etc




and i'm scared - scared of what this is going to do to my life!

and... WHAT are my kids thinking?? i have NO IDEA


i haven't seen them since last may - a year ago!!

[[had an idea last week - and i'm doing it now... i have NO IDEA who my parent's parents are - very few pictures --- but(!) i have a video camera on my cell phone! so, i've been "talking" to my kids on the video - if i don't see them till their 18, i'll find a way to get them usernames/pwds to the gmail accts i created for them and am now sending email to them - even though they don't know it ---- SOME DAY they'll see me - see what i'm going through - hear my words - perhaps get an idea of what my side of the story is ---- my biggest fear is they've been brainwashed and hate me and blame it all on me and never want to talk to me]]







what kind of help is out there??



i have an attorney - but i can't pay him

he's put me on the $100-a-month-plan - i have no idea when that will be paid off!


my dad sent him $500 to start up a motion to start to see my kids again (both me and kids had to go see counselors until both sides (mine and kids) put their thumbs up)






so... what's out here? i've avoided getting into this community - i don't know why

maybe i "let" myself be a victim - ??

maybe saying "an atty costs too much" is giving myself an excuse - ??


but.. i'm starting now





i'm in the san diego area

[myboys_mltc]

nothing?

[Clayton P]

What kind of paperwork do you have in place so far thru the courts?

[hadenough40]

Unfortunately myboys, I'm not sure what your asking for.

Are you looking for help with CS issues?  Are you looking for parenting time help? (which btw should not be connected with CS arrears at all..even if you are in arrears you have the right to see your kids).

[myboys_mltc]

thx guys

and... sorry, my case is clear to me - but, from other ppl's perspective... i really can't say "everything" cuz that would take pages and pages!



basically, i'm "divorced" - and i'm not allowed to see my kids (not restraining order - just the judge "saying" it)

in the course of the process, she tried EVERYTHING - and when i say "everything" i mean, she accused me of EVERYTHING possible to discredit me - even saying i was "bad" with my kids

!!



nothing stuck - one thing after the other - CPS investigation after the other - ex parte hearing after ex parte hearing

nothing was ever substantiated


finally - they made me take a psych eval and the guy was able to put some things on paper

so... i've been to see a therapist - six months now

its my understanding that, when my therapist and my kids therapist put their thumbs up - i can start seeing my kids again

and we're at that point now - my therapist is writing a letter (and he's &&*%ting all over the family court services woman and the kids therapist for taking my ex's side based solely on "hearsay" and shoddy investigating)



at any rate... i'm on the skids - CA law says i'm on the hook for $500/child (since i have 0% custody - i have to pay the MAX --- someone explain THAT to me!!)

bottom line is... i *barely* scrape by enough to live - pay rent, car loan, gas, insurance, food - the basics





so - now i'm getting letters from the county child support dept

yikes


i don't know how to fill out these forms - i don't know how to tell "the system" the way it is!



she yanked the kids from me - then sits back and waits for the $$$ to start rolling in

(i saw a bumper sticker years ago... "a man is not a financial plan" --- hmmm, how those words ring true now)


and then, if i can't... its my ass!







i'm just basically... scared


i've got friends - they're amazed - they're like "there's GOTTA be guys out there, who KNOW the system, who understand - who can help you"



so that's what i'm doing - this is my first fledgling attempt to reach out and just get some help


whatever form it comes in







just some backstory... she married a dude making over ten-grand/mo


within a month of us being legally divorced, she was in hawaii on her honeymoon so...

no worries - that doesn't affect me at all

i'm glad to be free of her - i'm glad she's his problem now



all i care about is my kids really

well, yeah - keeping the sherriffs from knocking on my door would be a close second

!!


but bottom line is my kids are in NO danger of going hungry

to be sure, this is not one of the proudest moments of my life - its frankly, very hard

i pay what i can every month - and i write on the check "good faith effort"



and yeah... at some point, i'll have to write a big bad check to get them off my backs for good

i just need time - i've got a real estate license - i'm starting up in the mortgage business next week with a friend - you make decent money in the mortgage business

i'm working on getting this insurance license - that's a couple months down the road


technically, i *could* swipe a credit card for 10k right now and tell them to back off - give me a year



i just don't know what's the best thing to do

[jimmy eaches]

the best thing to do is to stand up and fight. the children are yours also. get the letter wrote and shove it right in their face. the child support thing is about right, no custody, pay max.  now heres where you fight. get 50/50 after evaluation and child support should go down. lets hope so at least. next thing is to ask the court why she did not have to take a psych evaluation. whats good for the goose, is good for the gander. i hope this helps, join me at myspace.com/mddadsdeserverights

[myboys_mltc]

uh... yeah

thx



i feel i am doing that - but, its expensive

i'm just asking what groups/organizations/help is out there for guys in my position


i'm filing a motion to get to see my kids again (supervised at first, etc...)

the atty is charging me $500


ouch!


i can't pay it - my dad pitched in (first time i've asked him) and wrote the atty a check --- for which i'm very grateful





so, what kind of help is there??

i'm in san diego

[jimmy eaches]

you can file the motion by yourself and save the money. they have pre so clinics in every state that will help individuals that cannot afford a lawyer. the key is being able to see ytour kids, but supervised is a tough posititon. you have to see the kids with someone watching you, very uncomfortable situation. but the plus to this, si that you do not have to have any contact with the ex. no more fighting and no more protective orders or any of that garbage. good luck

[myboys_mltc]

whatabout child support

because i see my kids literally ZERO percent of the time right now, i am on the hook for the MAX amount - about $1500/mo



i do NOT make anywhere NEAR that right now - there is NO WAY i can pay that


so... i pay what i can each month - about $200




except for last month - i had taken a w-2 job (normally i'm self-employed - but my business was slow so i took a "jay oh bee" temporarily)

and they tracked me down and started tapping my paycheck for 50% --- but that was just seasonal work and its over now - so they only got one month's worth of 50% of my paycheck (about $600 - which i can't really afford to lose)



now they sent a letter to my company (which is really just ME - i'm a sole proprietor) ordering me to pay half of what comes in to the county






i'll be out on my ear!

and... i'm really afraid there's gonna be a sherriff knocking on my door one morning to take me in







here's my plan - i've got a credit card that i could swipe for the back child support amount

i've got a friend who is willing to let me start working with him in mortgages (i've got a license)


swipe the CC to keep *her* off my back (if she'll agree to it) and then with this extra work from my friend - have enough to cover the additional CC payments





just freaked out about contacting my ex though

probably just do it through the lawyers




idunno...

[JLN64]

I've been waiting to see if anyone else would bring it up, but no....so I guess I get to play devil's advocate here.

1.  You said, "I'm broke-can't pay support.  I'm way behind."  This statement is followed by "I'm self-employed."

So, here we go.  Obviously, from the way you have portrayed your financial situation, self-employment is not working for you.  I'm sorry you find the idea of taking a "W-2" job so offensive, but you have an obligation to your boys to do whatever it takes to pay the support.  Have you considered the possibility of taking a "W-2" job so that you have an actual paycheck coming in while you are in the process of getting all of these money making schemes up and running?  It is difficult to be sympathetic to someone whose dire financial situation is a self-inflicted wound.

2.  As far as your Real Estate lic. goes....are you aware of the fact that they can suspend or revoke your lic. due to your arrearage?   

3.  If you are only sending $200 per month against a $1500 per month order, you are going $1300 in arrears each month--how long has that been going on?  Apparently you were making enough at some point for them to award $1500 per month, what happened to that job?

4.  Be aware, the courts are not going to look favorably on you if you have the ability to be employed in a position that will allow you to make your support payments and you choose to be self-employed instead. 

5.  Child support and visitation are two completely separate issues.  You cannot withhold payment because she won't let you see the kids nor can she refuse to let you see them because you are not paying....

6.  I'm not sure how it works if you are self-employed, but if an employer refuses to withhold support as stipulated in a court order, they can get into alot of trouble.  So if your company is registered and has a tax id number, I would think that you are setting yourself up for double the trouble.  By the way, I believe that they can take a total of up to 55-65% of your check for current support due plus an additional amount against the arrearage.  In my husband's case, it was $650 plus 10% of his net from a gross of $1250 per month....

7.  It's not **her** that you have to worry about--the Enforcement Agency will enforce the court order, whether she asks them to or not.  By not paying the full amount,not taking viable steps to improve your ability to pay and not explaining to the court what the problem is, you are in contempt of the court's order and they can and will use all the weapons in their arsenal to collect this money.

8.  If you have the ability to pay off the arrears and bring your account current--you should do that.  You should also be aware that they are going to tack on interest...

9.  As far as her new husband making 10K a month, it doesn't matter.  Those are your children, not his, and you are responsible for helping take care of them. 

All that said, I must be honest.  From the way your posts are written, you seem much more concerned about how all of is affecting you (now and in the future) than how it is affecting the boys.  If you really want to do what's best for them, get over yourself, go get a job and take responsibility for your obligations.