I am not for or against

[cpkk]

NCPs nor am I for or against CPs, but I just think its sad that any and all children are victim to separated parents.  All CPs and NCPs are very selfish and its tough to force a kid between two homes for the rest of their lives to adulthood and live between two parents.  Its good to fight, but it gets to the point where the child is nothing more than an object, not a person.  You get your time with your child, but the history of drama ruins them in the long run

[Papa]

what's your story cpkk? 
Or, do you just sign up at various forums and leave very generalized opinions of the topic?
Ha ha. . that's me joking around with a smile ................
welcome to the site...
and, I agree with you about the sadness aspect..............

[emsmommy]

I'm kind of on the same page as "Papa".  What is your position or what are you trying to convey?  Not all of us are selfish.  My child does not come down to being an "object".  Her Daddy and I love her very much and we want to give her the most of us that we can.  It can get a little messy between the adults, but we do the best we can to not directly involve her in any dispute.  I'm not trying to be a b****, but I think your statement comes out of nowhere and I'm wondering what the followup, if any, is going to be.

Jen  (EmsMommy)

[hadenough40]

What the hell was that post about, cpkk?

[stsrob]

In a perfect world all couples would stay together and have a white picket fence house. But it is not,And i am not going to give all my rights away to see my child because me and his mom are not together anymore. I have never thought of my son as a object nor would i ever use him has a revenge tool. When me and my ex are around each other i act like me and her are happy to be around each other. And it is the the complete opposite of the real truth.I think my child would be worse off if i would sit around and not fight for my rights to be with my son.
 

[TnJ]

WOW cpkk talk about typing alot of letters and not   making any thing of what you typed. i beleive it would be safe to say  you are in a dog eat dog world and wearing milk bone underwear,  your post made no  clicks to me!

[jon]

NCPs nor am I for or against CPs, but I just think its sad that any and all children are victim to separated parents.  All CPs and NCPs are very selfish and its tough to force a kid between two homes for the rest of their lives to adulthood and live between two parents.  Its good to fight, but it gets to the point where the child is nothing more than an object, not a person.  You get your time with your child, but the history of drama ruins them in the long run

I agree with most of your post except ALL cp's and ncp's are very selfish.  Many do try to make it work but its true you cannot divide a child and going back and forth between homes does not work.  In truth people need to make pretty damm sure they are going to stay with the person before they have kids.  Stop having more kids with other people and so on, why America has become one big mess and why the kids today are so screwed up.  No stability.

[cpkk]

I understand that most of you dont get what I am saying, you want me to be on one side or the other, you want a story so that you can decide whether i am right or wrong or justified in what I am saying.  All I am saying, is, from teh posts ive read, from posts Ive posted on other sites, its all one big mess like the prevous poster put it.  The tug of war games that people play with children. I recently read an article of a man who killed his kids......CRAZY!!!!! Because he couldnt split them with mom.   I realy wish my child wasnt inthis system.  Now he has 3 parents a mom, dad, and court

[IMHO]

Whenever people bemoan the state of things, I ask them a question:

What are YOU going to do about it?

Otherwise, it's just complaining/crying and I must move on with my life.

[Brandy Fee]

I understand that most of you dont get what I am saying, you want me to be on one side or the other, you want a story so that you can decide whether i am right or wrong or justified in what I am saying.  All I am saying, is, from teh posts ive read, from posts Ive posted on other sites, its all one big mess like the prevous poster put it.  The tug of war games that people play with children. I recently read an article of a man who killed his kids......CRAZY!!!!! Because he couldnt split them with mom.   I realy wish my child wasnt inthis system.  Now he has 3 parents a mom, dad, and court

Wow.  I am very new to the site, and I must say that of all the posts I have read, this one baffled me.  First of all, NOT all NCP or CPs are selfish, and secondly, like it or not, there are times to take sides.  When one parent, NCP or CP is doing wrong - THAT is hurting the child.  Not everyone views their children as a pawn in their games, some people ACTUALLY DO CARE ABOUT THEIR KIDS AND THE RELATIONSHIPS THEY DO OR DON'T GET TO HAVE WITH THEM!  I think your post is somewhat out of line, a spark for attention perhaps?  Thanks.

[JLN64]

And are you one of those "selfish CP's" or do you not include yourself in that generalization?

You say the child becomes no more than an object.  What do you say to the non-custodial parents who are treated like ATM's?

You say, "you get your time with your child".  What do you say to fathers like my husband, brother and sister's brother-in law--all of whom paid their court ordered support, and all of whom spent 17, 19, and 22 years respectively, looking for their children because the system didn't give a damn if they actually got to see them, only that they were paying?

And what do you say to my husband, who's daughter is getting married next week but he's not invited?  He's not walking his daughter down the aisle because his ex spent years lying and concealing her location.  The courts wouldn't even disclose where they were because his "ex requested her address not be released."

It's not about taking sides.  It's not about WHO is right.  It's about WHAT is right.  It's about putting aside whatever venom you hold for you ex, acting like an adult, and letting the kids spend as much time as the want with their dad or mom.

It's about allowing the children to maintain the relationship with their dad/mom--even if you don't want to--see, the key is, it's not about what you want. 

It's about all the crap being perpetrated in the "best interest of the children."  Children should be allowed to have both a mom and a dad--married or not.  Not a custodial parent or caregiver and non-custodial parent (aka the "obligor" or the "absent parent"). 

It's about a system that is all about the money.  Federal Incentive Funds and Welfare Reimbursement.  It's about the case workers who are only concerned with keeping their jobs--not doing what is right--hell, we can even take the morality out of it and say, doing what is legal.  It's about the "Family Law" Attorneys who don't have a vested interest in the outcome--they get paid no matter how bad their client gets screwed.

All I'm saying is, don't judge us until you've walked a mile in our shoes.  When you have worked 18 hour days and 2-3 jobs for years in order to make your support payment.  You get to see your child everyday.  You can go to school functions and watch them grow and develop.

Imagine your reaction if you were told that, starting today, you would be responsible for paying off a debt of $100,000, remittance to be made in monthly installments that will be directly withheld from your paycheck in an amount specified by the court.  And that this amount can be raised by the court at any point in the future.  Furthermore, should you fall behind in these payments, you will be subject to imprisonment, seizure of your financial assets such as bank, retirement and investment accounts, liens against your home and/or any real property you own, redirection of your state and federal tax refunds and denial or revocation of your driver’s license, professional licenses, recreational licenses and your passport.  But wait, there is more.  In addition to the court ordered payment, you will also be responsible for providing health insurance and covering medical bills, day care expenses, and whatever other stipulations the court chooses to include.

And if this wasn’t enough, you will also be told by the court when, where and for how long they can now “visit” with your children.  Every other weekend, two weeks during the summer and alternating holidays—at the discretion of the custodial parent.

That's the reality faced by the mom or dad who has just been demoted to "non-custodial parent."  Think about that for a while.....

[Brandy Fee]

And are you one of those "selfish CP's" or do you not include yourself in that generalization?

You say the child becomes no more than an object.  What do you say to the non-custodial parents who are treated like ATM's?

You say, "you get your time with your child".  What do you say to fathers like my husband, brother and sister's brother-in law--all of whom paid their court ordered support, and all of whom spent 17, 19, and 22 years respectively, looking for their children because the system didn't give a damn if they actually got to see them, only that they were paying?

And what do you say to my husband, who's daughter is getting married next week but he's not invited?  He's not walking his daughter down the aisle because his ex spent years lying and concealing her location.  The courts wouldn't even disclose where they were because his "ex requested her address not be released."

It's not about taking sides.  It's not about WHO is right.  It's about WHAT is right.  It's about putting aside whatever venom you hold for you ex, acting like an adult, and letting the kids spend as much time as the want with their dad or mom.

It's about allowing the children to maintain the relationship with their dad/mom--even if you don't want to--see, the key is, it's not about what you want. 

It's about all the crap being perpetrated in the "best interest of the children."  Children should be allowed to have both a mom and a dad--married or not.  Not a custodial parent or caregiver and non-custodial parent (aka the "obligor" or the "absent parent"). 

It's about a system that is all about the money.  Federal Incentive Funds and Welfare Reimbursement.  It's about the case workers who are only concerned with keeping their jobs--not doing what is right--hell, we can even take the morality out of it and say, doing what is legal.  It's about the "Family Law" Attorneys who don't have a vested interest in the outcome--they get paid no matter how bad their client gets screwed.

All I'm saying is, don't judge us until you've walked a mile in our shoes.  When you have worked 18 hour days and 2-3 jobs for years in order to make your support payment.  You get to see your child everyday.  You can go to school functions and watch them grow and develop.

Imagine your reaction if you were told that, starting today, you would be responsible for paying off a debt of $100,000, remittance to be made in monthly installments that will be directly withheld from your paycheck in an amount specified by the court.  And that this amount can be raised by the court at any point in the future.  Furthermore, should you fall behind in these payments, you will be subject to imprisonment, seizure of your financial assets such as bank, retirement and investment accounts, liens against your home and/or any real property you own, redirection of your state and federal tax refunds and denial or revocation of your driver’s license, professional licenses, recreational licenses and your passport.  But wait, there is more.  In addition to the court ordered payment, you will also be responsible for providing health insurance and covering medical bills, day care expenses, and whatever other stipulations the court chooses to include.

And if this wasn’t enough, you will also be told by the court when, where and for how long they can now “visit” with your children.  Every other weekend, two weeks during the summer and alternating holidays—at the discretion of the custodial parent.

That's the reality faced by the mom or dad who has just been demoted to "non-custodial parent."  Think about that for a while.....

Couldn't have said it better myself!