They won't give me my child

[mcclainbm]

I'm married and in the marine corp.  I was in Iraq when I received a phone call saying my wife is in jail.  We live in N.C. and she drove up to P.A. and broke into a house and got caught.  She is now in jail and her first hearing isn't until 1 May.  Her mother has our 17 month old and will not give her to me.  I have hired a lawyer and showed up with the state police to get my child but she still refuses to hand her over.  I now have to fight for my child!  What's up with that I'm the parent.  Can anyone explain this to me???

[greg]

mcclainbm;

Welcome.

Gramma has no right to your child. You do. The police have to help give you your child. Why didn't they do it? What did the police tell you? What is your wife saying?

[mcclainbm]

I had 3 state police officers with me and they called the judge and he said to keep the baby where she is until we have a hearing and that is not until 7 April.  We called the senator, house of representatives, constable, sheriff, district attorney and everyone says its a civil matter and they can't do anything about it.  They are trying to use my military service against me.  I am not going back to Iraq or N.C. I filled out a home station packet which now makes me non-deployable until I'm done with my service time.  I don't know where or who to turn to now.  I do go and visit her every day but it makes me angry that I can not have my own child that I have provided for since she has been born.  The grandmother said she has spent more time with my baby then I have due to my deployments which is really not true.

[greg]

That is really weird that the police called the judge. However, this is honestly more of a criminal matter obviously. I guess it is time to focus on your wife. Again, what does your wife want done?

You will know more on April 7th. You have to unwind the criminal aspect of this case from the civil part. First, your top priority should be to help your wife in this situation. I am assuming the grandmother is a fit custodian if she has been doing that. Don't let the feeling of wanting your daughter overwhelm you. You have a ton of work ahead of you before April 7th. If your wife is released, this will all be OK. I am out of my element in the criminal courts. My legal assistant could help, though, if you need help with that. You will have to state your case, at some point, as to your fitness to father, if your wife is not released.

What a nightmare. I am so sorry for you. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

[mcclainbm]

I have been searching the internet for laws on parents rights but each web site just wants money from you.  All I want is a place to go to read what the law really says.  I am and whoever I tell this story to can't believe that anyone can hold your child from you.  Everyone thinks it was just standard law that the parent has the first rights.  So anyone who reads this don't let a family member babysit they don't have to give you your child back at the end of the day!

[greg]

Like I said, I really think there is much more than just simple parents' rights at issue here. You do have first rights, so the police saw some reason to be concerned. That is why they let the judge rule. The judge saw the same issue and ruled as he saw it. This is not really a family law issue, so the normal bias is not at work here. It is a different issue that I have no idea about from what you have written.

You can get your state statutes off the front page of this website, but I really do not think that is what you need to understand. Just one guy's opinion of the criminal law aspect of this case.

[NeverGiveUp]

mcclainbm, I am new to the site but feel your pain in dealing with custody issues involving your child. I was actually successful calling police to retrieve my child b/c ex was in violation of order and tried to restrict my parental rights. The best advice I can give you is to determine your custody status whether its sole, joint, or no custody and then proceed to visit your state judicial law website for family laws(google and type yourstate child custody laws) or you can visit your states general assembly website for family law issues. Once there locate custody/visitation laws to determine what boundaries you have to work with. The understanding of your parental rights can best help you in protecting yourself and your relationship with your child. Our friend is right in telling you to remain claim under these stressful times so you can better focus on the task at hand. April 7th is just a ways off(I understand it may not seem like its not b/c every minute missed with your child can never be replaced) so preparing yourself for that day and focusing on only that day is your best option right now. Once that is court date is completed and you have your child then proceed to learn more about your parental rights so you can protect them in the future. If you would like, I could help provide you with the necessary info to help now and for in the future if you tell me some general info about your situation. I would enjoy repaying a service man to our country who risked his life to save ours and in return is disenfranchised from his child by that same country. I wish you the best of luck and if needed I am willing to help.

[jimmy eaches]

parental right are as follows: you have the exactly same rights as the mother. when i say this, legal and joint custody, give you as the father, the right to access all school info, medical information and the mother is supposed to give you the inforamtion leading to school changes, leaving the jurisdiction. now, mind you , i did say supposed. this is where we need to be fighting. most of the time,  women get away with this type of stuff. we need to fight harder and be more proficcient when we state our case, whether its through our lawyers, or pro se. what is the custody/visitation agreement? join me at myspace.com/mddadsdeserverights

[Misery]

I had 3 state police officers with me and they called the judge and he said to keep the baby where she is until we have a hearing and that is not until 7 April.  We called the senator, house of representatives, constable, sheriff, district attorney and everyone says its a civil matter and they can't do anything about it.  They are trying to use my military service against me.  I am not going back to Iraq or N.C. I filled out a home station packet which now makes me non-deployable until I'm done with my service time.  I don't know where or who to turn to now.  I do go and visit her every day but it makes me angry that I can not have my own child that I have provided for since she has been born.  The grandmother said she has spent more time with my baby then I have due to my deployments which is really not true.

WHAT???  What Judge is not allowing you to have your child???  I would call EVERY media outlet I could think of. 

[NeverGiveUp]

HELL YEAH! I WOULD DO THE SAME! I DID NOT REALIZE YOU ALL WERE MARRIED. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHY ANYONE CAN RESTRICT YOU RIGHT TO RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD. I ALSO BELIEVE THAT IN MANY STATES GRANDPARENTS HAVE VERY LITTLE IF ANY RIGHTS TO CHILD OVER THE PARENTS. THE GENTLEMAN IS RIGHT, YOU SHOULD CONTACT A NEWS AGENCY AND REPORT IT. IT WOULD HIT THE AIRWAVES SO FAST IT WILL MAKE THEIR HEADS SPIN(JUDGE, LAW ENFORCEMENT, STATE REPS, ECT). COULD YOU IMAGINE THE HEADLINE," AMERICAN SOLIDER FINISHES FINAL TOUR IN IRAQ TO FIND WIFE IN JAIL AND CARE OF THEIR CHILD GIVEN TO GRANDMOTHER AND NOT AMERICAN HERO." PEOPLE WOULD READ THIS STORY IN OUTRAGE. NO OFFENSIVE BUT WHO THE HELL DOES THIS WOMEN THINK SHE IS NOT ALLOWING YOU TO HAVE YOUR CHILD. THE FACT IS, THE PARENT NOT RESPONSIBLE TO HAVE CUSTODY IS BEHIND BARS AND A PERSON WHO IS THE FATHER AND ALSO PROTECTOR OF COUNTRY IS DENIED. GOD BLESS YOU MAN! MAY GOD NOT GIVE MERCY ON THE SOULS OF THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE THIS!

[GeeMa]

The same thing was done to my son (he is not in the military though). He and his wife were separated (no legal papers filed at the time). She had left to test with the Navy and was coming back (Tuesday) and her parents had the baby. My son was supposed to pick him up on Tuesday (she originally told us she had taken the baby with her) and when he got there her father said my son could not have his son?? He went to the PD and they said sorry without papers we cannot give him to you? He IS his father...There were not any papers to be had yet... This system is so screwed up!

[x-olympian]

Accountability,

The law does assume you have the right to the child unless otherwise specified by the Courts.  After you have calm down, start gathering the names of every decision maker since your first contact with the state police and hold them accountable.  Grandmother is violating your legal and parental rights and obligation.  The state did not grant her your daughter nor did the court which calls into question what her intentions are.  Everyone  says be a man, take responsibility for the children you create, take genuine interest in the well being of your child and then turn 180, then start to collaborate and conspire to keep you in this parent trap.  Just as in the Military the Judge can only give lawful orders and his subordinates can choose to follow the law or follow some arbitrary instructions.-This is illegal period.

Call all the news channels or go by there in person ASAP
1. Give the name of the Judge to the Media
2. Give the name of Name The Captain or Officer in Charge/commander at the State Police
3. Give the name of the grandmother breaking the law
4. File a motion in court tomorrow requesting an emergency hearing
5. File at the same time a civil suit seek damages for alienation of affection, emotional stress and the cost of the trial and lost time with your daughter.-Do not settle for nothing, teach these people that fairness ethical behavior is the standard not the exception.

Grandmother is exhibiting behavior that is borne of this system of Entitlement, the Judge and the state Police no better but in essence have sent a clear message that your service to our country to protect their freaking rights is okay, you money and tax dollars for their salaries is good enough, but your only God given right to the only sense of normalcy your child is in question.

It will take a long time possibly but if you get your daughter you must still hold all involved accountable.  You may save someone else from dealing with a "phone court order" from the Judge.   State police have the ability to get an order within 1-2hrs they do it all day to serve warrants.  The Judge did not want put his money where his mouth was so hold him accountability with Judicial Compliant and follow up.  Inquire in writing about SOP for State Police and expose them.

I'm married and in the marine corp.  I was in Iraq when I received a phone call saying my wife is in jail.  We live in N.C. and she drove up to P.A. and broke into a house and got caught.  She is now in jail and her first hearing isn't until 1 May.  Her mother has our 17 month old and will not give her to me.  I have hired a lawyer and showed up with the state police to get my child but she still refuses to hand her over.  I now have to fight for my child!  What's up with that I'm the parent.  Can anyone explain this to me???