News: Fathers’ Rights, Child Support, Custody

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Andrew Koster will never forget some jolting advice he got from his lawyer when he became a divorced dad nine years ago.

“My lawyer said, ‘Do whatever you can to keep out of the courts because if you’re a man you will get creamed,’” recalled the Victoria-based filmmaker. “It was the only time I’ve heard that term used outside of a hockey rink.”

Koster considers himself fortunate to have been able to work out an equitable access arrangement with his ex-wife since “she didn’t want to deprive her children of their father,” but thousands of other divorced dads across Canada aren’t so lucky.

Rob, for example, has spent tens of thousands of dollars and three years of his life in a continuing struggle for custody of his four-year-old daughter. An articulate and sensitive father of two who sees his oldest daughter from another relationship on alternate weekends, he has fought allegations of sexual and physical abuse that were proven to be false.

Still, he won’t quit.

Jeff, who has an eight-year-old daughter and a six-year-old son, has also faced unsubstantiated allegations of violence and now only speaks to his children’s mother through a lawyer. Determined to be more than just an every-other-weekend visitor in his children’s lives, the Winnipeg-born dad is fighting a lengthy legal battle to reach fairer agreements for access.

Their struggles are chronicled in The Dads Who Fought Back, Koster’s hour-long documentary about the plight of fathers struggling for shared custody of their children within a Canadian family court system many believe is biased in favour of mothers.

“It’s like democracy,” says Koster, whose film debuts on the documentary series Global Currents tonight at 7. “It may not be perfect but it’s what we’ve got.”

While Koster, 53, has healthy relationships with his two sons — Mike, now 18, and Jeff, 16 — he says that “awful sinking feeling” brought on by the fear during his divorce proceedings that he might never see his kids again has stayed with him.

After encountering other fathers with similar anxieties, he decided to make a film from a non-custodial parent’s perspective.

“The media has such negative images towards fatherhood,” laments Koster.

“We’re bombarded with images of ‘deadbeat dads’ and loners, and I felt somebody had to set the record straight. They’re stymied by a system that doesn’t work for them.”

The Dads Who Fought Back uses the men’s stories as a backdrop for a critical analysis of a court system widely deemed to be in need of an overhaul, as well as input from lawyers, judges, academics and passionate advocates for change.

“The court is an adversarial system,” says Koster. “It demands a winner or a loser. But there are other losers — the kids.”

Strenuously arguing for change, the film incorporates commentary on the divorce wars from the likes of Senator Anne Cools, who has advocated for shared-parenting since the joint Senate-Commons Committee on child custody and access published For the Sake of the Children in 1998, and lawyer Carey Linde, who expresses concern about a rise in false allegations.

“The statistics on [allegations of] abuse are probably skyrocketing,” he said, noting that almost the only way of getting legal aid in B.C. is to allege abuse or the risk of abuse.

Since agreements on visitation and support made by both parties in Jeff’s case during the making of the film still haven’t been signed, he says he has no choice but to proceed to a trial, noting wearily: “They’re engineered to end badly.”

Battles for sole custody have become the foundation of the divorce industry, adds Dr. Warren Farrell, whose 2001 book Father and Child Reunion reflects 13 years of research into how to best raise children of divorce.

“It’s almost a war of affidavits,” observes Dr. Edward Kruk, an associate professor in University of British Columbia’s School of Social Work, echoing the film’s recurring plea for an end to the toxic nature of divorce battles in which previously civil mothers and fathers often feel compelled to prove their ex-mate is “incompetent” to win the legal battle.

In a segment titled Justice at 300 Feet, the film also focuses on Fathers for Justice, a group of frustrated fathers who dress up as superheroes and engage in acts of civil disobedience such as scaling bridges to draw attention to their cause.

While the film attempts to offer opposing viewpoints, such as those of B.C. provincial court Judge Jane Auxier, who denies charges of gender bias within the legal system, the over-riding message is that shared-parenting is the viable alternative.

Koster says: “It’s important for people to understand the degree to which fathers can be as empathetic and nurturing as mothers. They’re not mothers. They’re fathers, and they have an important role to play.”

mreid@tc.canwest.com

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