Father’s Day should be a reminder of paternal responsibility – Chicago Tribune
June 25, 2011
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Posted by ANCPR
This type of commentary has been circulating since the 1990s, and even before. Some embittered mom rants on the father for abandoning his family. Most of the time, however, when you find the father and ask him, you get an entirely different story. Why is it that these women are believed, and the fathers aren’t. Without exception, many fathers I have known and dealt with, have been worn down by a system that looks to them for nothing more than money. They are stripped of all rights to their children, they are denigrated in court and in the media, and they find no support anywhere.
I love how these types of women (so called mothers) who don’t see that she has managed to teach her children to either hate or disparage their own father. Good mom. She should be proud of herself. Why can’t we criticize her for failing to do her part to keep the father in the lives of the children. Obviously, she failed in this tiny duty, miserably.
We don’t celebrate Father’s Day at our house. My three sons dread the advertising-soaked holiday the way many singles loathe Valentine’s Day. It’s not that they have lost their father to death, disease, military service, an act of God or misfortune of any stripe. It is that their father has chosen to lose them.
As it is for many fatherless families across the globe, this Sunday is a reminder that fatherhood should be more than a biological feat; it is a primal moral responsibility and one that many men regrettably fail to fulfill. Still, there is a remedy.
via Father’s Day should be a reminder of paternal responsibility – Chicago Tribune.
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Categories: Best Interest, Divorce, Family, Fathers Rights
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My kids send me cards and call me on Father’s Day. That, after many years have passed since the divorce and much money has been given to my children that without a court order mandating the giving. However, I know the witch is still feeding my children her disparaging words to my children. They are still not mature enough to come to terms with their mother who is mean, vindictive and just plain criminal.
Thank the Women’s Movement, aided and abetted by the Divorce Industrial Complex for the family state of affairs we are in.
Lastly, why should anyone believe anything that the Corporate Media spews out? The Corporate Media is only concerned with their short term profits. The heck with socially repsonsible behavior – that is someone else’s problem.
Michele Weldon’s article deserves credit for acknowledging the importance of men, as parents, in children’s lives. It is unfortunate that men “walk away” from the responsibility of being a parent. As in her specific case, dad may have “walked away” Ms. Weldon and she isn’t alone acknowledge the absence of paternal rights to being a parent.
When speaking of fathers the word “rights” or “privileges” don’t come up, only responsibilities & obligations. I am reversing the quote from actor Cliff Robertson’s character in the fist Spiderman film, “with great responsibilities go rights!” Men as as much an innate drive to pro-create and be parents as do women, indifferent to the role each gender plays in the process. However, men aren’t given the same consideration of choice of becoming parents as are women given, only the responsibilities & obligations.
The subtle ways that men are pushed away from their children and kept at bay are numerous, insidious, and intentionally harmful. When father support & advocacy groups publish mentions and strategies for how men can reduce their support payments, etc., are efforts created to bring to the forefront those issues of gender inequality and injustice that speaks to the importance of a father’s salary in their children’s lives but not their presence.
Every man deserves to be included in the lives of their children more over than their money and father’s day should be a reminder of their value and importance as much as a teaching tool for children to acknowledge the role of parents as a privilege and not only a responsibility.
Happy Father’s Day!!
I read the whole article. It pissed me off. Here are some quotes and my response.
“Unfortunately, fatherhood is a responsibility many divorced and unmarried men are encouraged to dodge.”
encouraged to dodge? By whom? While there are plenty of examples of divorced and unmarried dads who choose to dodge their paternal responsibility, the reality of it is that there are a lot more divorced and unmarried fathers – like me – whose role as a parent has been purposely marginalized by the mother and by the court system. I’ve had to fight for every bit of time I spend with my son, and have spent tens of thousands of dollars to remain active in his life. For example, I had to fight (and pay) just to be able to pick my young son up from daycare an hour early if my work permitted. His mom threatened restraining orders against me if I did. Mothers who purposely dispose of the father – those are the parents who deserve to be castigated, and there’s plenty of them.
“The Fathers Rights Foundation, claiming to be the first fathers’ rights website, offers tutorials and downloadable book chapters such as “How To Minimize Child Support,” with the cheery promotion, “One dad lowered his support by 50 percent using the tactics and documents in this book.” In Chapter Three, by attorney Ronald Isaacs, fathers can click on “Attack, Attack, Attack: Tactics That Win!”"
While this superficially sounds horrible, I know from first hand experience that many fathers are paying far more in child support than is reasonable, and far more than they can pay. I’m paying more than three times the amount that a father with the same income pays if he lives an hour away. And my ex simply refuses to spend the majority of my support on my son – she’s lining her retirement nest with HIS money (since I’m paying CHILD support, not SPOUSAL support). She refused to buy him things he needs, refuses sometimes to even pay for his school lunch, and refused to pay me back when I do so – yet she gets $1000 a month in child support. When my time with him increased 100%, and my insurance costs increased 500%, I spent thousands of dollars trying to get child support reduced, and succeeded – but only in getting it reduced 10%.
“The big screen has been filled with bad mothers from “Black Swan” to “The Fighter” and “Precious.”
You’ve got to be kidding. Nearly every time I watch TV, I see a commercial or a program in which the dad is portrayed as a stupid moron who isn’t capable of figuring out how to, say, wash clothes on his own, much less actually parent his children. Think Homer Simpson as opposed to Marge Simpson. We are inundated on a daily basis with anti-father sterotypes. Only occasionally do you see a mother portrayed this way. At our house (I remarried nine years after our divorce), I do all the grocery shopping and cooking and yardwork and my own laundry. I’m not a moron. I can help with homework. I know how to wash clothes and read a thermometer.
“This week the Illinois Fatherhood Initiative held its 2011 Father of the Year Awards, honoring Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, stand-up comedian Tom Dreesen, Chicago Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood and former Chicago Bear Richard Dent. Also honored were fathers of elementary school students who entered the essay contest.”
I’m not at all impressed when they give FOTY awards to millionaires who can afford to buy their kids whatever they want – including caretakers, trainers, teachers, etc. A true FATY is someone who works two jobs but still manages to go to his kids games, school events, scouting events, etc, AND takes care of them when they’re sick or hurt AND volunteers to help the organizations his kids belong to. A father who sacrifices his own wants, desires, and needs, in order to give a child what he needs – including emotional nurturance – that’s a REAL father of the year. And I know plenty of dads just like this.
“This weekend, instead of just blindly saluting all fathers with grills, golf shirts and “Best Dad” coffee mugs, let’s encourage all dads to be fully accountable. Instead of some organizations rallying aggressively for fathers to do less, let’s push for all fathers to do the best they can. Let’s join forces not to divide mother against father, or parent against child, but to create a movement beyond fathers rights to fathers rights and responsibilities.”
Michele, no offense, but you don’t know sh*t from shinola. Take a look at the articles written about fathers on Father’s Day. Most of them are CRITICAL of fathers – like yours is. Fathers aren’t saluted on Father’s Day, except by company shills. My ex has several times deliberately sent our son out of town on FD, despite our decree which specifies that he’s with me all day. I know of absolutely NO organization rallying for fathers to do less, the whole idea is absurd. If we really want fathers to do their best, how about enforcing visitation orders just as ferociously as child support orders are enforced? Let’s suspend the license of a mom who keeps the kids from their dad. How about sending moms to jail who violate visitation, or engage in parental alienation? It’s not that most divorced or unwed dads purposely refuse to be responsible – many, many fathers are denied the opportunity to be the kinds of fathers they want to be, and they are denied this by the mother, by lawyers, by family court, and by society’s stereotype that the only thing fathers are good for is providing money for the mom to use without accountability. I will forever mourn the fact that I only got to actively father my son 8 days a month. I missed so much of his life, and that time will never return to me. Had things been fair, I would at least have gotten to parent him half the time. Michele, how about ending your article with this: “Let’s join forces not to divide mother against father, or parent against child, but to create a movement where mothers and fathers are treated equally, and where children are allowed just as much time with their fathers as they are with their mothers.”
Yes it does hit a nerve of fathers that do everything they can to make there kids happy and are there for them every day. As you said ask the father and you will get the other side of the story. Possibly the true side as well. How can a father stay in a relationship if the mother is always going behind his back and cheating on him with friends and enemies. They just cant so the only option is to leave. Its not there fault and even after they have left the mother will teach the children degrading words and put the father down in front of them, Which is just spite-full and disgusting. If there not old enough to realize then it should not be said. They don’t need to be brained washed and grown up to hate dads. I just wish everyone would stop and think hey how is this gonna affect the kids when they grow up. Here in Australia im trying to help a petition get around so that the government can see that we are indeed wishing that fathers get 50/50 rights to there kids as well. Yes it does and would most defiantly differ case to case but for those fathers that have done nothing wrong and wish to spend as much time as they can with there kids then they should be able to. Despite how spiteful and nasty some can be. Thank-you for letting me have my say.
Please keep up the great posts
Cheers
Ryan