Banned dad agonizes at loss | Herald Sun
January 3, 2009
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Posted by ANCPR
Banned dad&squo;s agonising loss | Herald Sun
December 07, 2008 12:00am
“STEVE” has been barred from seeing his daughter for seven years.
He has never harmed his only child or her mother. He has never threatened them and a court has accepted he is of good character.
But last week, after a tortuous 10-year journey through four courts, more than 20 hearings, 12 psychologists and six lawyers, he was told he could not see his daughter until she came of age.
Steve, whose real name cannot be revealed for legal reasons, has gone through more than 20 intrusive psychological examinations, while daughter “Molly” has endured seven.
He says he has spent more than $100,000 in 10 years.
His wife twice raised sexual-abuse allegations, proven false after months of investigation.
But the court accepted she would “shut down” emotionally if Steve was allowed to see his daughter and that her distress would affect her parenting skills.
It was deemed in Molly’s best interests that she not see her father until she turned 18.
Now Steve, a successful small businessman from Melbourne’s southern suburbs, faces being alienated from his daughter forever.
“It just rips your heart out. If you can’t forge a relationship with your child in their formative years, there’s a real risk that you never have a good relationship,” he said yesterday.
“There was no violence, threats, abuse, harassment or intimidation.
“I was shocked when (the judge) announced that the order would apply to both my ex-wife and our daughter and would last for 10 years.
“I was able to persuade her that this would criminalise me if my daughter tried to contact me when she grew up.
“But I bucked the system and paid the price. If you argue with the court’s finding, they label you as unco-operative.”
Steve said while everyone wanted women and children protected from violence, intervention orders should not be used as weapons in custody battles.
“These orders are being used to persecute men and children by litigants who know courts will always err on the side of caution and remove fathers without there being any violence at all,” he said.
Steve said he feared his daughter had been scarred by the court’s insistence on psychological examinations.
This year he approached his ex-wife’s new partner to see if there was any chance of mediation that would allow him to see Molly.
His wife instantly launched legal action alleging he breached an intervention order that prevented him approaching her or Molly.
“The court decided that my – very polite – conversation with my ex’s partner represented harassment. It’s just unbelievable,” Steve said.
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Categories: Best Interest, Courts and Legislatures, Custody, Judicial Misconduct, NCP Fathers
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A remarkable amount of similarities exists between my story and Steve’s. Three years of court dates and related accusations are among the list of likenesses. I was not allowed to have contact with my two girls for 6 months out of a year. In addition, only one of my daughters supposedly had a problem with their father (me). I was not allowed to visit the other child either. The court has not found the mother guilty of contempt or charged her with custodial interference.
The mothers always win unless they beat or harm the child enough to gain notoriety from an outside party (friend, teacher, doctor, etc . . .). What happens when a woman abandons a child and the father is left to raise the child? Does the child automatically turn to a life of crime or become a potential mass murderer in the absence of the mother? I think the answer depends on the type of parent the father is. Likewise, in a divorce situation, the mother plays a major role in burning bridges between good fathers and their children. The picture is very plain and a repetitive occurrence—believe me I know.
After that being said, the focus must be turned toward legal representatives. An initial fee of $3,000.00 and further expenses accruing resulting in frustration and stress are the major benefits from retaining legal counsel. Paying the sum of $3,000.00 to see my own children is ridiculous, especially when I pay $300.00 plus each week in child support. In my experiences, the lawyers collect the client’s money and then proceed to do as little as possible to help the client or child. Where is Perry Mason when we need him?
Next is the judge, who lays down the final decision. Do all judges possess degrees in child psychology? Are the judges aware of the countless number of mothers that use their offspring as a tool to hurt their former husband? Who was the genius that decided that a person that spends his educational career studying law—should also make judgments—relating to children concerning family relationships?
In some cases, a judge appoints a guardian at litem to look out for the child’s well fare as in my case. A 30-minute meeting and the guardian at litem was finished with me. The guardian then had an interview with the counselor that sees my daughter and I. Lastly the guardian interviewed the mother in order to make recommendations to the court. The results were supposed to be back in court after a 90-day evaluation period—six months later, we finally went to court.
After the evaluation from the guardian at litem had shown no negative or improper actions from me, the lawyers agreed (this means the lawyers do not have to make any further efforts) to the guardian’s findings. The findings were to leave everything as it is. This meant no punishment for the ex-wife and no awards in my favor. Therefore, my ex-wife can choose to keep the children from me at any time and I am helpless.
I am truly sorry for you, Steve, and I honestly know how you feel. The United States of America is not all it’s cracked up to be.
If any further information is desired from anyone, please respond to this message.
I have been searching the web for help. Well, doesn’t look like I found any help. But then again maybe I have. My son has just gone through the same thing you two men have. His son loves him and always had so much fun with him. His ex-wife has played this game for the past three years. Because of the fact he hasn’t got the money to keep fighting and seeing it was not going to do any good my son has given up. My heart is crushed. Not only did the ex distroy a beautiful father son relation ship she also tore him away from the rest of the family. I am the Grandmother and devistated. I was told to file for Grandparents rights. What a joke. If Dad couldn’t get him I don’t stand a chance.
So, I am going the route of trying to get some laws change. I have found some support.
I hear women say all the time what a terrible Dad, but I know the women.
Example: Woman came to my house. She had five children, two different Dad’s and married to even more than those. Not sure the count. I thought she brought her kids over to play with mine. About eight o’clock, (Friday night) she said she could go home now, she was hiding out from the youngest sons Dad. She now out on the road driving a truck while the youngest,(15) is home alone. I’m sure Dad doesn’t know that and what would the judge think. How would he like for his 15 year old to be living alone.
Hey Steve,
I truly understand how you feel. The alienation from your children, not seeing them grow up to experience their joys, sadness, pains, etc. is something you can never get back. I have lossed valuable time from my daughter that cannot be made up either. It just doesn’t seem at all fair for men the more I search for answers myself. It seems woman can cry wolf and the courts will submit to their every tear. “Bigpopa” is right about the about all accounts. Legal representatives have to put food on their table, so they thrive on your emotions to continue the battle, all the while they intend to milk you for every single expense they can imagine so as to drain the so called retainer fee, then add more charges after that is exhausted. As for judges, they claim to make sound judgements, but they actually call upon these so called mediators & guardians to evaluate for them. Their decision is based on these mediators & guardians, so that if something bad were to happen based on their judgement, they would state that their decision was based on the so called “trained/certified” mediator, guardian or evaluator. All in all, the bottom line is “greed”. Greed by the custodial parent part. Greed not to share their children, so that they control the highest percentage of custody. And with this high percentage of custody, their greed to enforce more child support against the non custodial parent. then there is greed by the attorneys. We all know how they work. The bottom line is the children are put through the ringer of courts and the custodial parents (woman) don’t even give a you know what. I could go on further, but just want to say, lets not all give up.