Don’t Get Married – From Courtship to Courtroom by Jed Abraham
March 3, 2006
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Posted by ANCPR
http://fredoneverything.net/Jed.shtml
From Courtship To Courtroom by Jed Abraham.
If I could offer a young man one piece of sage advice,
it would be this:
DON’T GET MARRIED.
Don’t do it. Come the divorce, as come it probably
will, the courts will systematically shear you of your
children, your house, and huge amounts of your income
for twenty years. Don’t do it. It isn’t worth it.
Nothing is.
My saying this usually brings, from women, cries that
I’m an extremist or woman-hater. No. The problem is
not women, but the courts. Men can behave every bit as
reprehensibly as women, though they go about it
differently. But the judicial system, which is
politicized to the gills, utterly favors women over
men in divorce cases, without remorse, decency, or
concern for children.
Should you doubt this, read, before you pop the most
foolish of questions, From Courtship to Courthouse by
the divorce lawyer Jed Abraham.*
Writes Abraham, “If you’re like most men, you’re
married, or you hope to marry some day. You think you
deserve to live happily ever after, but if things
don’t work out that way, you’ll get a civilized
divorce and move on. You’ll stay pals with your ex,
and you’ll see your kids as often as you want.
“You have no idea what you’re getting into.”
And you don’t. Not the faintest freaking clue.
A few facts from Abraham:
“The odds are 50% that your marriage will end in
divorce. The odds are 70% that your divorce will be
filed by your wife. The odds are 80% that your wife
will get custody of your children-plus child support,
alimony, and/or a hefty chunk of your property.”
That is how it is.
Yes, I know: You don’t think this applies to you. Cup
Cake loves you. She would never behave in such a way.
Think again. You have no conception of the hatred that
divorce engenders. Men are callous; women are mean.
When a family breaks up, when a life dreamed of
disappears in flames and emotions go limbic, women are
not the kinder sex, and certainly not the more
rational. And Cup Cake will have the absolute upper
hand, with the full power of the state to help her
express her dissatisfaction with you.
Abraham: “If your wages are not withheld and you fail
to pay your child support, the State will garnish your
pay, slap liens on your property, intercept your tax
refunds, report you to credit agencies, discontinue
your driver’s license, suspend your professional and
business permits, hold you in contempt of court, put
your face on a wanted poster, throw you in jail, and
deny you food stamps. But if your ex doesn’t spend
that very same support on the children, the State will
do. . . nothing.”
It gets worse. There is, for example, “imputed
income.” This means that your child support will be
based not on what your children need, not on what you
earn, but on what the court decides you could earn.
Don’t do it.
If you love Cup Cake, live with her. Be kind to her.
Be loyal to her. She may be as nice as you think she
is: Many women are. Buy her roses. Just don’t marry
her, or have children with her. If the laws were
even-handed, marriage would be an admirable
institution. The laws aren’t equal.
But it’s the kids she’ll use, should things get nasty,
to tear your guts out. If you’re sure that Cup Cake
won’t do this, you’re crazy. True, she may not. Not
all women do, or not to the same degree. But you won’t
know until it’s too late. And the courts will do
anything she wants.
Abraham: “Your ex will warm to calling all the shots.
She may cancel your visitation now and then. If she’s
truly mean-spirited, she’ll go much further. Under the
cover of her court-appointed role as sole custodian,
she’ll systematically sever your relationship with the
children. She’ll badmouth you to them. She’ll schedule
their extracurricular activities during your
visitation time. For good measure, she may accuse you
of domestic violence and child abuse.”
Think “joint custody” is the answer? The courts won’t
enforce it. What are you going to do-sue Mommy? The
kids will hate you for it. Do you believe in pre-nups?
The courts ignore them. Read Abraham. It’s all there.
Then, says Abraham, there’s the killer: “More
efficiently, your ex may simply move with the children
to a distant community, with the law’s acquiescence.”
Kids are the crunch, guys. They hurt. And she will
know it, and use it. The courts will help her. At
bottom, the position of the courts is that the
children are her property, like furniture. Judges
don’t care about you at all.
Ever drive away from what used to be your home, with
your daughter of four streaking across the parking
lot, yelling, “Daddy! Daddy! Please come back!”-and
you can’t?
Ever have your little girl of four say, “Daddy, can I
get my birthday present early?”
“Why, Pumpkin?”
“Well. . . after the divorce we might move, and I
won’t see you again.”
That’s what you are in for, guys. Don’t do it. You’ll
be suicidally depressed, miss your kids to the point
of desperation, be almost frantic-and the courts will
make sure you can do nothing about it. The ex will
probably enjoy it.
That’s the reality. Don’t believe it? Talk to men who
have been there.
Why do women do these things? Not because they’re
evil. Cup Cake is probably a perfectly decent woman in
her dealing with the rest of the earth. She’ll do it
because she hates you, which is the normal outcome of
a divorce. She’ll do it because she can. She’s furious
because the marriage didn’t work, which will be
entirely your fault.
And the law gives her every incentive: She will get
the house, the kids, the child support-and she knows
she will. If women knew they had an even chance of not
getting custody, of having to pay child support, the
divorce rate would drop like a prom dress and joint
custody would suddenly mean joint custody. Women love
their children as much as men do.
But that’s not how it is. The courts encourage
divorce, and they rape men. Get used to it.
Abraham: “The odds are it doesn’t pay for you to marry
and have kids.”
That’s a fact, guys. Think about it.
* From Courtship To Courtroom by Jed Abraham. Amazon
has it, $14.95
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Absolutely true–I have been there. Interestingly, I keep asking my ex-cherie, how she is going to feel if what happened to me will happen to our sons in the future. Of course, she thinks they will be kind to their spouses and never deserve such a fate. I am telling them: “marry only if you want to have children”. But then having kids and losing them is heartbreaking. The only trick is to delay the proceedings (at a huge cost) until kids grow a little big bigger and tell mommy they need daddy. And they will because you love them and show your affection and care, even if mommy keeps alienating them from you.
What you have written is so true! Men need be educated to understand that the deck is stacked against them. The only way to win is to not play. I am one of the lucky one’s. I did not get totally screwed as bad as some. The key to fixing the system is remove the advantage that women have and to let them know they no longer have an advantage. I was collecting signatures recently for the California Shared Parenting ballot initiative for fall 2006. I solicted names at the Family Court in Contra Costa CA. No women would sign. I asked them why. Several told me that if the law changes, they will lose their advantage! Disgusting!
Been through all of the above and IT’S ALL TRUE. The depression of losing the kids alone is permanently life-changing and can lead to suicide or near-suicide. Was there also. Spouses that used to be just emotional women seem to lose their minds totally and use the system to do as much damage to you as possible, not caring about the kids. Pretty sick.
What you write is so true. The solution is to bitch and complain to our state and federal legislatures to change the laws. Change to eliminate alimony, change the laws to make joint custody by the default, change the laws to remove the Bradley amendment and other anti-male laws, change the laws that women have equal rights and also equal liability for child support. That is the only way men. We must regain our manhood, our mental health, our financial life and our sex life. We must fight for our children. We need to break the monopoly women have on kids. Women only carry the kids in a water bag for 6-9 months after that it is the men that feed them for 18 years or more.Get over it guys get organized and fight for equal rights. United We stand.
We need to Change the laws, Now.
Until we change the laws, no marriage and no babies guys. Don’t get suckered into marriage because it is a long term liability. Don’t be fooled into thinking that you will have sex anytime you want for life by marrying her. She will turn into a total bitch sooner than you realize.
I wish he wrote this advice fifteen years…
Many of the things Jed Abraham states are utterly true. The courts certainly don’t give men a fair shake. But in the end American men need to rise us and demonstrate that they are the better persons, remain positive and do your best to meet the American “Divorce Courts” expectations.. If you can endure it. If not well it’s a big world out there, there are many countries that would welcome talented and educated American males. Maybe Central or South America. American dollars go along way in these regions. Heck our ex-wives hate us anyway, and they are turning our kids against us and deminishing our relationships with them anyway. What do American men have to loose by moving to another country. Things can’t go any worse than there going for men here in the U.S., plus there may be a fine “Senorita”, a new family and a new world awaiting American men. Good Luck and God Speed….
When women fought for equal rights they should have been awarded equal responsibility along with it. What the courts allow women to do to men is legal prostitution. We should either change the laws and make it truly equal, or legalize prostitution so that men at least have an option.
From the short take that I’ve just read, Mr. Abrams hits it right on the nose. EXCEPT for one comment. Writes Abraham, “If you’re like most men, you’re married….you deserve to live happily… but if things
don’t work out that way, you’ll get a civilized divorce and move on. You’ll stay pals with your ex, and you’ll see your kids as often as you want.”
It’s that type of thinking that erodes the shared parenting movement. There is a burden to raising children. His hypothetical “visiting” his children is way different than actually raising your children. If you do not have the responsibility of actually raising your children – then you should pay.
However, It’s my firm belief that shared parenting (one week on, one week off) is the best way to go. If that does not work, then the custodial parent should be determined by the flip of a coin.
I beleive this all too – worst mistake I made was to marry a low-life sleazy psychobitch from hell who continues to cause all sorts of problems for anybody and everybody and we’ve been divorced for 10 years and she’s been remarried at least twice since then.
The stupid witch. And the courts have allowed this stupid insane woman to contue living off the welfare system – and hold my son hostage – for another seven years.
I blame every family law lawyer and judge for this traversity and give them no respect whatsoever for the crap the call a living that they do.
Worthless crap lawayser and judges they are. I spit on them.
That is so true but hard to follow. It’s like everybody knows how to not get fat but eating is so pleasurable that we do it everyday. Why do men marry anyway? Ok if she has more money than you. I think men marry cause they think they will have sex anytime they desire for the rest of their lives, right? This is the biggest pile of stinky horse manure. Any married man will tell you that sex stops soon after marriage and after kids. Mariage is a contract to be enslaved tot hat woman for life. I used think that divorce would end it all, little did I know. I tell my sons’ not ever to get married. You do not have to marry in order to have kids or have. Once you are married and when she decides to divorce you, you will be paying alimony. Why alimony, cause we are stupid men and allow the laws to be that way. Why have men not changed the laws and done away with alimony? Cause we are stupid and unorganized.Get it together men, get organized and change the laws. Fight for our manhood and for our kids.
angelc20 said, he told his son’s not to get married. Not to marry in order to have kids. Great example of a man who hates woman telling his son’s that. Watch your daughter’s Dad’s.
He wrote > Any married man will tell you that sex stops soon after marriage and after kids.
Johnqpublic has the only reasonale approach. Get over it and get gone. The child abuse cannot be prevented or stopped. The children that are lost are lost forever. John is right, you can let the wound scar over and try again someplace else.
I absolutely agree….And I don’t feel as if you are a woman hater at all….
I am a mom paying support to an individual who always told me that I would take care of him, always…. He never held a steady job, never paid a bill…. I was supposed to have the kids, but the judge would not hear me out…. (I was never served nor inquested) I went before an examiner for the support matters, and she turned her head and stared at the wall……… She only spoke to him…. She did not take into consideration that not only am I paying support, paying for medical and dental, but also buying all school supplies and everything else they need… Their father does not use the money for the children….. He threatens me often… He keeps my children from me… And I can’t do a thing about it… I don’t make enough for a lawyer, and too much for legal aid….. And get this…. My oldest dropped out of school and was working a full time job, my ex still collected…..
I dread going to court over this matter… He threatens me and laughs at me in front of the examiner…. I’m about to give up all hope…..
Marriage is DEAD in America.
The church is DEAD in America.
The Judges and Lawyers are money grubbing BASTARDS!
Land of the slave, home of the stupid (MEN)
MEN have to stand up and say NO to marriage as long as their is NO equal rights in this instution.
We MEN allow this to happen and NOW we must stop it.
In my case the Judge allowed my ex to destroy my home (Over $100,000) in damages, destroy everything the court awarded me $85,000 in assets (Not including the home), run monthly utility bills to $3,000+ a month, take out credit card loans – Basically do whatever she wanted for almost 4 years with no enforcement from the court.
Numerous complaints were filed with Child Protective Service for notable animal urine and feces all over the home in that time frame and still the judge did not allow any intervention.
It didnt matter what evidence or witness testimony you bring into court, your screwed period. Try getting another job after filing chapter 7, you may have the desired skills and experience but wont get it because of your credit score is shot.
Ive even tried going directly through the prosecutors office with photos and witness testimony, another joke.
My last effort is going through the State Judicial Tenor Commision in filing a complaint against the judge, Im not holding my breath with this either.
Marriage: All I can say about that is “Don’t do it”… Ive since had two close friends break off engagements after they have seen what happened to me in court.
Joint Custody: I have my kids 4 days a week and still pay Child Suppost, Alimony, Cobra Insurance and all the kids needs for school and clothing while she still runs around spending money on the married guy I divorced her over.
I make $62,000 a year and live off $16,000 of that, just crunch those numbers and make your own decision on getting married.
Dead on. My wife was highly religious, a virgin when we met, now an evil witch, who routinely keeps the kids from me for weeks or even months at a time. When I take her to court, which I have done 9 times, the Judge does nothing to her, and she gets to ask for more child support. We must stop VAWA. Google it. It is the legislation that gave states BILLIONS of dollars to “support” women, what did it do? Destroyed the institution of Marriage. We must stop the radical feminazi’s who are running these programs. God Bless all of us. God bless America, we need it!
Read the “100 Billion Dollar Man” Report by Steven L. Nock, and Christopher J. Einolf, it shows the annual cost of Father Absence in the US.
Hello, Thanks for taking the time to write that, I found it very educational. If you get a chance you should check my website as well. I hope you have a nice day!
I’ve been married and now divorced. The unfortunate part of reading this book is I did not read it BEFORE I got married. How to I know Jed Abraham’s book is accurate? I lived it… every unpleasant part. It’s been 4 years now since I separated and divorced. I had to sell the house, fix it up at my expense, sell it while my ex moved out, purchased herself a new one, a Lexus, etc., and I now am relegated to an apartment spending 50% of my earned income on my needs, and 50% of her wants. I had an excellent attorney, however judges feel like they need to rescue a lady in distress and give her not what she needs or deserves, but what she wants… and that’d be her pound of flesh from you. I’m no woman hater… they’re just getting what the court will give them… it’s the legal system I know is unfair. You won’t catch me getting married and inviting the family law system into my life to rape me of my assets, pension, salary, etc. If you’re smart, you won’t get married… just live with her and love her.
this is excellent… thanks…
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