The Fathers War – They serve their country and lose their children
October 18, 2005
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Posted by ANCPR
The Fathers’ War
By Stephen Baskerville
While our country focuses on the war abroad, many of our soldiers fight personal battles here at home—or more accurately, can’t fight. They are losing their families and getting little help from an administration that claims to “support the troops†while doing nothing to protect the parental rights of the fathers it sent into combat.
All the services are facing a severe drop in recruitment, and additional recruiters, stepped-up advertising, and bigger bonuses have not reversed the trend. The media points to the war itself, but the shortfall also coincides with a dramatic rise in military divorces, which the Army reports have nearly doubled since 2001. “We’ve seen nothing like this before,†says Col. Glen Bloomstrom, a chaplain who oversees family-support programs. “It indicates the amount of stress on couples, on families, as the Army conducts the global war on terrorism.â€
It indicates much more than stress. “There most certainly is a relationship between current recruiting problems and an increase in military divorces,†says Capt. Gene Thomas Gomulka, a retired Navy chaplain and writer on military marriage.
Muffled by feminist orthodoxy, the Army and media are not disclosing the facts behind these divorces or publicizing the threat they pose to preparedness. The important points are these: the divorces are almost all initiated by wives, the servicemen usually lose their children—which for many is their main incentive for serving their country—and finally, they often become liable to criminal prosecution for child support that is impossible for them to pay.
Laws protecting active-duty servicemen against legal actions are ignored by family courts. Deployed servicemen have virtually no protection against unilaterally initiated divorce proceedings that permanently separate them from their children without any show of wrongdoing. Child kidnapping laws likewise do not protect them from having their children relocated, even to foreign countries, while they cannot be present to defend their parental rights. When they return, they have no necessary right to see their children—and can be arrested for trying to do so—who often join the ranks of the permanently fatherless.
The Lansing State Journal recently reported on Joe McNeilly, a National Guardsman who “would still have his son if he hadn’t been deployed,†according to Maj. Dawn Dancer, public-affairs officer for the Michigan National Guard. Invoking the correct legal buzzwords, the mother and her lawyer claimed he lost custody not because of his deployment but because of his “parenting skills.†Yet his parenting skills were clearly defined in terms of his deployment. The court attested that it stripped him of custody because his wife was the “day-to-day caretaker and decision maker in the child’s life†while McNeilly was deployed. His alleged parental deficiencies also proceeded apparently from his duties as a soldier. “My client is making sure to turn off the TV when the news reports deaths in Iraq,†the mother’s lawyer said, “and (McNeilly) was engaging in behaviors that brought fear.†In other words, he was fighting a war.
Even more astounding, vicariously divorced servicemen can be criminally prosecuted for child-support arrearages that are almost impossible not to accrue while they are on duty. Reservists are hit particularly hard because their child-support burdens are based on their civilian pay and do not decrease when their income decreases. Because reservists are often mobilized with little notice, few get modifications before they leave, and modifications are almost never granted anyway. They cannot get relief when they return because federal law prohibits retroactive reductions for any reason. Once arrearages reach $5,000, the soldier becomes a felon and subject to imprisonment.
Further, states assess interest and penalties on arrearages, which may accrue because of human or computer errors. These too cannot be forgiven, so parents who fall behind for reasons beyond their control can never have these debts erased. Because state agencies are federally subsidized based on how much they collect, they have a powerful incentive not to reduce burdens, to extract every penny they can find, and to make “errors.â€
Deployed soldiers are also targeted by women who falsely designate them as the fathers of their newborns. “The military provides a steady, easily garnished income as well as medical care,†says Carnell Smith of Citizens Against Paternity Fraud. It is difficult to contest paternity while fighting a war thousands of miles away.
Spouses have other financial incentives to divorce military personnel. A serviceman must complete 20 years of active service to qualify for retirement pay. A woman married to the man for one day may claim a portion of the pension for life, without regard to fault or need, simply by filing for divorce. As David Usher points out in Men’s News Daily, there is no limit on how many times a woman can do this. (Men have done it too.)
None of this is hypothetical. Many veterans face such hardships now:
• “Gary,†an 18-year veteran with an unblemished military and civilian record, was stripped of his child by a California court while deployed in Afghanistan as a Navy SEAL, according to Fox News. Columnist Glenn Sacks reports that he is now being bankrupted by child support and legal fees.
• Bobby Sherrill, a father of two from Parkton, North Carolina, was held hostage in Iraq for nearly five months. The night he returned from the Persian Gulf he was arrested for failing to pay $1,425 in child support while captive.
• While serving in Iraq, Taron James was ordered to pay support for a child he knew could not be his, and DNA tests confirmed his claim. The district attorney and Los Angeles County Child Support Services nevertheless seized his tax refund annually, blocked him from renewing his notary-public license—which caused him to lose his job—ruined his credit, blocked him from obtaining a passport, and forced him to drop out of college.
These are not aberrations. They proceed from the ideologically and bureaucratically driven logic of the custody-support industry, which depends for its justification on removing children and criminalizing the fathers.
The Army’s response has been to spend millions on therapeutic gimmicks in a futile effort to reduce the divorces: counseling services, support groups, romantic getaways, even advice to single soldiers on how to pick partners wisely.
“Our hope is to change the culture,†says Bloomstrom, who also adopts civilian-sector jargon. “Initially there’s a stigma about any program to do with relationships. We need to teach that there’s nothing wrong with preventive maintenance for marriage.â€
The Army is burying its head in the sand. We can only hope that communications workshops and cultural understanding are not the approach they take to opponents in the field. They do so in this case because the threat is not Islamic radicals but feminist radicals.
Those affected see through the obfuscation. “This is outrageous,†said Kathy Moakler, deputy director of government relations of the National Military Family Association. “It’s a scary precedent to set, charging the parent with abandonment because he was deployed.â€
Obviously these men have not abandoned their children. Yet what justifies criminal penalties, if it is not to catch those who have? If these fathers are being stripped of their children and criminalized through no fault of their own, why should we assume that others are being treated any less unjustly? This points to the larger issue, since the obvious injustices to soldiers, sailors, and airmen are simply the logical next step from what has been inflicted on others for years. The dysfunctional effects on military efficiency are also paralleled elsewhere in society.
The flight of men from the military strikingly parallels the flight of men from marriage, with its attendant drop in birth rates, that has come to preoccupy policymakers up to the level of president. Men are staying away from both institutions for the same reasons: for many they have become a ticket to jail.
The National Marriage Project at Rutgers University reports a continued drop in the marriage rate. They too ignore the criminal penalties that men can incur when they marry, instead urging therapy and formulaically excoriating men for their lack of “commitment.†Citing the Rutgers study, Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services Wade Horn promotes federal marriage programs inculcating “conflict-resolution skills.â€
Men do not risk their lives, fight, and die for a country that is an abstraction. They fight and die for their families and homes and freedom, all of which are being taken away by the courts. “Sometimes I wonder what I risked my life for [in Afghanistan],†“Gary†tells Sacks. “I went to fight for freedom but what freedom and what rights mean anything if a man doesn’t have the right to be a father to his own child?â€
Gordon Dollar was a reservist for 16 years in the National Guard and Naval Reserves. “I have friends that are very motivated and dedicated people, Frogmen/SEALS, Green Berets, and Rangers, and they were getting out too,†he tells Usher. “I think people who served this country are feeling betrayed by it, and see no point in serving it.â€
California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has just signed legislation protecting military personnel in custody and child-support cases. Missouri is the only other state to protect reservists on active duty by requiring automatic adjustments in their child support. More states need to act.
Federally, the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, which protects deployed military persons from other civil suits, should be amended to include specifically the actions of divorce courts and child-support bureaucracies. The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act, designed to prevent parental kidnappings, could also be modified to protect service personnel whose children are snatched away. Finally, Congress should repeal the infamous Bradley Amendment, so that judges can exercise reasonable discretion to modify child-support debts downward as well as upward in cases in patent injustice.
It is ironic that, as we defend a questionable military policy with patriotic appeals to support the troops who must execute it, we allow the breakdown of traditional morality and the erosion of ancient legal protections for the family to ruin those same troops once they return home. This undermines not only the military, of course, but also the patriotic appeals. But even more, in the long run it also undermines our national defense. It would be difficult to find a single policy that so simultaneously weakens the nation within and without.
What we are seeing here is only one vindication of now forgotten prophecies from critics like G.K. Chesterton that easy divorce would destroy not only the family but civilization itself. Yet as the prediction is fulfilled before our eyes, our leaders obfuscate it with clichés and psychobabble.
The much-belabored parallel with Rome is irresistible. External threats are successfully withstood until the internal moral decay that accompanies the breakdown of republican freedom and virtue. For Islamists who regard the West as a morally and sexually decadent culture, the prospect must be encouraging.
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Stephen Baskerville is a political scientist and president of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children
October 24, 2005 Issue
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Funny that Men (and women) defend our freedom and theirs gets taken away without defense.
Feminist orthodoxy? I think the author of this article is living in the stone ages, in regards to today’s war effort, and today’s family court system. There are no front line anymore. Women–mothers– are dying right along with the infantry/artilleryman. Women, are serving deployments lasting up to eighteen months, just like their male counterparts. Likewise, they are losing their children as well in family court– and guess what– when this happens, women pay child support too. As a matter, high ranking women even lose half of their retirement to their former spouses. How dare this writer disregard the female soldier! Let me enlighten anyone who reads his one-sided article. The family court system has been altered so much,that a soldier doesn’t even have to be overseas fighting the war. He or she simply has to “relocate” overseas, to lose his or her children. The soldier’s “relocation”–on military orders– gives the lawyer of his or her vindictive spouse back in the United States,the grounds to declare the soldier incapable of providing a stable home for his or her children. The lawyer, unlike this writer, is also aware that judges of family courts these days, are more prone to make decisions of “fiftty-fifty” custody, or sole custody to one parent. The spouse knows that a soldier will– I say again– will move, every three years or so. This makes very easy, to thwart a soldier from his or her children’s lives. It is impossible for a soldier to compete with an ex-spouse who vows not to leave his or her current state of residence. What “noncustodial” groups such as this one don’t realize is that their efforts to sway judges to award the aformentioned forms of custody, has hurt the soldier who is protecting the very quaility of life they enjoy everyday–not “feminist orthodoxy”.
What we need are family court trials with juries, not some judge making an arbitrary decision, that he or she in turn is cannot be held accountable for. We need these juries to listen to FACTS, about both of the parents, and then make an informed decision of custody, and if this decision means that a mother or father loses and has to get their butt on a plane every so often to see their children, then so be it. We need a law that’s actually enforced, to protect the soldiers who are overseas from being eliminated from divorce procedures back in the US and therefore, denied the right to be heard.
The roles of men and women in society have changed. We need a family court system that recognizes that the woman isn’t at home, barefoot in the kitchen anymore. Often, she is the breadwinner. Men are not working long hours and then coming home, sitting in the front of the television, ignoring his kids. They are raising kids, just like women.
We need a system that supports the children and not selfish, vindictive, manipulative ex or soon to be ex-spouses.
KYUNG LEE TROTTER
SSG, US ARMY
very interesting comments ,after going through the system ist hand i would not believe that this is going on in america. i saw nothing but bias thrown at me from the monmouth county court house in new jersey. the system is set up to take away your kids ,money as well as rights,hell what rights ,you are forced to fight for your kids if you love them and are put down for that by way of a system that is so bias to men that i feel sorry for men going through it today,after fighting for three years for my childrens right to a father i now have full custody, was a good thing because mom was drinking heavy and could care less about our kids was just in it for the money, now i am fighting for child support .I paid support for three years and the funny thing about it was that our kids never saw a dime of it. their mother would tell them see your dad. Well now i have filed motion after motion for her to pay in the same system that is suppost to be about the children and the courts do not make her pay a dime, just dont get it,my x-wife is living like a little queen ,just purchased a 20,000 car for cash but to this date buys our kids nothing and the courts do nothing.well i write these comments in order to wake someone up in our goverment that the system needs change as well as i could use alittle help raising three kids is not cheap . To this date and after four years of divorce see nothing but bias handed down to me as well as my children from a state that needs to change the way they hand out their justice for our childrens sake,p.s. i know at least a dozen men going through the same problems in our county of monmouth who find little if no relief from the system at hand,LIKE I TELL ALL MY FREINDS ,WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMEN ,SENATORS,GOVERNORS AND THE WHITE HOUSE LETTERS OF YOUR CONCERNS AND PROBLEMS,IF THEY SEND YOU A BOGUS LETTER WRITE AGAIN UNTIL YOU GET A ANSWER, PEACE
It’s too bad that those that make and work the biased system don’t read (or ignore) the facts that are in this article. I lost my patriotism for this country years ago when my children were taken from me and the State of Colorado refused to enforce their own “visitation” order but pursued me to no end for every penny that they could get.
No one (except those directly impacted: Dads and kids) cares to change this corrupt system. It will only change through much more publicity and possibly something much more drastic than just words. If our military personnel continue to be treated in this manner, the government can expect some of those well-trained people to use the training against them. That will get some publicity.
Judges love power. Attorneys love conflict because it’s Making their Jag payments. Kill all the lawyers, mothers and judges and all we’ll be left with is the bush administration with their soon-to-be felons running the show. God help us!
Perhaps illuminating an axis of evil within more vile than any abroad?
As a consequence of this fascist feminist nation, thousands of GI’s will chose to stay abroad. What is there to return to? An ex-wife intent on taking everything – child, home, car, salary. What has he left. A bitter heart. I spent thirty years in Asia and the Middle East doing what I could to survive. During that time I met thousands of American fathers, many ex-service men. They all had the same story. Many were married to Asian women. The Asian women gave them assurance and well being.
SSG Trotter,
You are one of the few women, in comparison to the many men that suffer this injustice. Men are always an assumed victim of the current justice and social systems regarding custody of children (why wouldn’t they be women get custody 86% of the time)( my guess the idea of some radical feminist let’s say Lenore Weitzman, as an answer to the wage disparity between men and women). A poor social answer don’t you agree? ( I’m guessing the only answer to that problem is forced wage equality). You are right it’s the assumption of male and female roles that restrict us all and thus deprives both sexes of legitimate rights, but what we often get wrapped up in is that aspect of it “MALE” , “FEMALE,” but in this case, and sadly overlooked, the females and males suffering in this battle are children. They suffer for the sake of power, they suffer for associations of power, self-admiration, greed, and displaced pride. No one can except that the answers given were given in such a way that it appauled our government into over-reacting. And for a politician to admit wrong is to admit to incompetency and thus suggest a need for replacement. They based the perception of a social condition on the views of a few angry women and began passing legislation. Some of the arguments were legitimate, but anytime one is to serve justly, investigation is needed. None was conducted initially. They took one person’s word, based on credentialling. Hell I’m credentialled. You know how many other monkeys I went to college with? That doesn’t make me an expert and if it does that doesn’t mean that I would be flawless in my estimation of any situation even intensive research. Why? Because I am human. I am not perfect. I have deep seeded interests of my own. I am male. I am white. I am father, soldier, lover, kicker, screamer, biter, scratcher, clawer, survivor, and victim among a few billion other qualities that I know and admit may influence my research, life, and decision making ability. Being aware of my own strengths and weaknesses as I know you learned through your leadership schools makes me better equipped than others to analyze various situations with more accuracy. But to mislead an entire government established in the interest of serving it’s population the best it can is sinister, treasoness, and should be considered, at minimum, reason for exile. Being a soldier with children is like being stabbed in the heart by your best friend after saving his life. But that is part of being a soldier, we are expected to sacrafice, our countries non-military citizens cannot begin to understand the sacrifices we make. Why would they understand this one? But as citizens too, we should not lay down our swords in this battle. We should tell our children of our oath to our country and pray that they understand and accept the qualities in themselves to give way to the goals in their lives even if it is through ultimate sacrafice. And always remember that that oath requires that we fight domestic enemies as well. I see no enemy greater than that which tears the heart out of the most sacred of American Institutions, The American Family. That is exactly what the present divorce, child support, and custody legislation does. The word Parent has become synonymous with motherhood, it once was synonymous with fatherhood, it is a game of extremes, it shouldn’t be a game at all, considering the lot of it’s players (for the most part children). We teach (however unintentional) our children that as a female parenting is all you can do, and as a male, no matter what you do you will never be an adequate parent. Some lesson. And the whole of our society is giving a nod to what will ultimately be our nation’s destruction. What I don’t think our politicians understand is that we as parents of divorce are not looking for anything outside of a corrected and more fair system of justice regarding the issues of divorce. I would forgo any apology from the government in the stead of more just change. I am not looking for any politician to stand up and say I was wrong, here is my head. I do not want anyone to lose their job. I want everyone to learn what this messy situation has done to the American Family, to our children. I want to be called father, not non-custodial father or any other ill intended form of the word. I want to make Father’s Day an honorable day. Not a day when all of the nations papers seek out the most terrible excuse for a father and put him on the front pages of every newspaper as a specific representation of me and other good fathers like me. I want to see my children whenever I want. Oh I can now my ex even said I could as long as I give her notice. I have even had a lawyer inform me that custody and child-support have nothing to do with each other. That makes no sense what-so-ever. I am sure if the parent paying child-support makes a million dollars annually that may be true, but how many people in America make that type of money. Example: Let’s say a person makes $22,000/year 13% taxes leaves that person with $19,140, let’s say that person has 4 children, (that’s 40% lawyer terms), now that person is left with an annual income of 11,484 minus yearly court fees and employer deduction costs leaves ( $35+$2.50×26=$100) so11,384, minus cost losses such as gas to go to work annually (4×2.85×260=$2964) so $8420 divided by 12 months = $701 let’s say the mortgage is $421 that leaves $280 aphone that this person is required to have because they are a supervisor =$59 monthly leaving $221 for Water, sewage, and trash $24 =197 for electric $79=$118 Gas for the house $95=$23 that means this person can eat for at most three weeks out of the month if they eat Ramen Noodles for every meal. So this person who sounds an awful lot like me is affected in no way by child support in regard to his child visitation. Notice I said my ex said I can see my children whenever I wish. How do I pick them up? What do I feed them when they get here? How do I keep them from getting bored and wanting to go home? Not my home of course because that is not the place they consider home. How do I tell my children when their mother calls on the phone and say’s I have a surprise for you when you get home that they can’t leave my boring abode and go where it is a hell of a lot more fun. These are a few of the questions I ask myself. But the one that has been bugging me the most lately is that why if my 15 year old daughter wants to live with me why can’t she? More importantly why would my 15 year old daughter want to live here in boredom? With rules? With restrictions? Something’s wrong with that equation.
My daughter wants so bad to see me more and her mother says no. Why?
I am already at the fine line of a support reduction and if my daughter comes with me any more the ex won’t get as much money. I feel so bad for my daughter! I tell her the truth, thats all I can do.
Your daughter will know the truth when she becomes a woman. Generally speaking, women don’t like each other regardless of anything that has transpired..
Can someone explain to me how on earth the government weasled into the American family? It’s like an underlying taxation,penalty for people who change and divorce, the inability to compromise because of the self indulgence and instant gratification, Man against the machine,
or is it big brother.
TheDeenster@netzero.net
TheDeensters,
If you haven’t noticed, the government has entered into every facet of American life. You can’t eat, drink, sleep or walk without some form government intrusion such as taxes and/or regulations. And more government is coming.
I know they have. My question is how did they do it?
Time for a reality check!
Roughly 45 or so of the 2000 killed in Iraq and Afghanistan are women! That is less than 2%! Hardly what I would call sharing the burden with their male counterparts. Females are carefully kept away from possible enemy attack as much as possible. The stated policy is, “no women in frontline combat positionsâ€.
Women get the kids over 90% of the time! This is done because the system refuses to make females pay any child support as was aptly pointed out by one of the comments. Women on overseas deployments ARE NOT returning home to a jail cell.
This is wide spread discrimination against men. For every story of a serviceman that this is happening to; there are thousands more stories of this happening to everyday men. Millions of men are having their lives destroyed with no end in sight.
This is a good article, written by a good man. Though it may seem more tragic that this is happening to men who are putting their lives on the line for our country; it is no less tragic for this to happen to any man, or woman for that matter; the truth is, it doesn’t happen to women. You would be VERY HARD PRESSED to find ONE FEMALE in jail for non-payment of child support.
The bottom line is this is a criminal racket; its victims are predominantly male. Do the right thing; find a way to stop financing our own destruction. Remember, it’s all about the money!
Rohalejr,
I can definitely relate to you. Trust me, I know what’s it’s like to have a LES (pay-stub for those who aren’t military), that has great looking amounts on it, but the figures never actually passes through your hands. However, if 86% of women were awarded custody, I wouldn’t need to be a member of this organization.
I know about the Father’s Rights Act (HR 3073). It was spearheaded by Al Gore in 1999 and passed expeditiously, thereby avoiding any opposition. This bill provided millions of dollars to organizations such as this one (as long as the organization advocated marriage), to aid low incomed fathers with parenting skills, agressive behavior, legal fees and anything else that would help him have a better chance at gaining custody of his children. These groups have successfully influenced the way family court judges award custody; subsequently is has placed anyone, male or female who must work hard, long hours to survive at a disadvantage, especially the soldier.You’re right. I often ask myself where the heck any government institution, other than the supreme court, gets the right to use its power to sway family issues. It amazes me how the court is punishing moms for working, yet, it has no qualms with using the working woman’s own tax dollars to federally fund her demise in family court, by denying her constitutional right as a parent to rear of her own children.
You’re also right about the sacrifices that a soldier must make. I agree that our children, however, shouldn’t be part of those sacrifices. I lost my child because I serve. Suck it up and drive on? I don’t think so.
Mr. Merck,
I apologize if 2000 dead female soldiers aren’t enough for you. Your acknowledgement of such, convinces me that you are fully aware of the fact that there are no front lines in this unconventional war. The insurgents we are fighting are not subject to the laws of the Geneva Convention. Therefore they kill who they want, when they want and however they want to. Until you put on a uniform, pick up your weapon and follow me, you have no credentials to comment on what takes place during military operations.
I can tell that you are very angry. We are all angry. However, your biggest problem seems to be child support and not that you don’t get to see your child/ren, whichever may apply.
Yes, men have been getting shafted for many years in family court. However, is the solution to turn the tables and disenfranchise the woman, or is it to create a fair judicial process? The last I checked to wrongs still don’t make a right, and like Rohalejr said, it’s the children who ulitimately get hurt. We can’t react to this system with thoughts of revenge. A child shouldn’t be without his or her mother anymore than he or she should be without a father. I grew up without a father. I needed our anger to make the family court reform its ways?
TheDeenster,
One way to see how government gets into our everyday lives is to observe what happens when a crisis, real or percieved, occurs. Child support was never much of an issue until the late 80′s and early 90′s. The term “deadbeat dad” was coined by a gender feminist writer in support of stricter laws to enforce child support orders. Unchecked activism has lead to laws being passed, one by one, in a number of states. Then the Federal Government stepped in. Bill Bradley proposes and gets passed, the Bradley admendment which prohibits judges from discharging past debt from standing child support orders. HEW provides incentive money to states that effectively enforce child support orders, which gives rise to state agencies enlisting private firms to collect back child support. Collection agencies miss the stated child support targets (because the targets where overstated) which newspapers pick up upon to berate elected officials who, in turn, react with stronger legislation to enforce child support laws (all to placate a hue and cry over a crisis that didn’t exist). The feds step in again to help collect child support across state boundries passing more laws that will withhold social security payments, disability payments, tax refunds, and/or garner wages, all in an attempt to placate a growing disatisfaction among the receipients of child support who, as it turns out, are not the children, but the custodial parents.
Given the amount of state and federal intervention, I am amazed that anyone who is not a custodial parent is not in jail. The Rube Goldberg arrangements of laws enforcing child support is so byzintine and contridictory that I would not be surprised that obediance to one set of laws puts the victim in opposition to another set of laws.
So to answer your question, the intrusion happens one law at a time. Each step seems logical and necessary. Until you look back and see that long road behind you and notice the flames of hell are lapping up around you.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Child support laws are just one instance of America’s descent into chaos.
I remember the term “Deadbeat Dad”. I was unaware of how it came about until now. I can see how easy it is for a parent to fall behind in child support payments, when the payments are unrealistic and outrageous. I shudder to think of the many children who are missing a father, because he’s afraid of getting arrested when he shows up. All of you are right. This is disgusting. I get very angry when I picture some “custodial” parent, sitting on their lazy ass, waiting for a check to support themselves and not their children.
Something has got to be done. I wish I had been in the states when John Murtari demonstrated the needed for family court reformation, outside of Senator Clinton’s office. By the way, he was there with a woman, in the same boat. It’s going to take quite a movement to make politicians listen to us. We need to come together. Let’s place the blame where it lies.
Very well stated gentlemen. Thanks for all your time and effort to help me more undertand and answer my question. Now I’m going sit back and let my intellectual wheels run amuck.
TheDeenster@netzero.net
Ms. Bestillk:
I doubt by your statement that you are even in the military, much less serving overseas. Perhaps you would like to share your real name, rank and outfit you are serving with.
If you were over there you would know that there have only been in the neighborhood of 40 to 45 women killed out of the 2000 MEN who have been killed; HARDLY SHARING EQUALLY IN THE SACRIFICES MADE BY MALE TROOPS. WOMEN ARE NOT DIEING RIGHT ALONG SIDE OF THE MEN IN THIS WAR, AND IF YOU ARE THERE YOU KNOW FULL WELL THAT THAT’S THE TRUTH.
Women are not being discriminated against by the courts. The few who don’t get custody are the most despicable pigs imaginable, and some of those still get custody. Many females don’t get awarded custody because of drug addiction, prostitution, having intimate relationships with convicted sex offenders etc; not exactly motherly material, but even some of these pigs get preference because they want to extort money from the father. THEY DON’T MAKE FEMALES PAY CHILD SUPPORT. LIKE I SAID, YOU WOULD BE HARD- PRESSED TO FIND ONE FEMALE IN JAIL FOR NON-SUPPORT.
Angry; you better believe I’m angry. One of the things that anger me most is when feminist pigs like you try to make this a gender neutral issue when over 90% of the victims of this racket are men. Thousands of men are dieing every year, and all you care about is the 2% of women who may be victims. 2000 men are dead in Iraq and all you want to do is blow your horn about 40 women who died.
Your bullshit about having trials to determine custody is another thing that angers me. We don’t need to keep rewarding the corrupt courts with more booty. The courts role in divorce needs to be strictly minimized. 50/50 custody with no money changing hands unless agreed to by both parents. No move away parents; if you want to move away, you will go alone. Anyone who has ever had a relationship with a woman that involves children knows how women love to take the kids and leave; that shit needs to stop. Take your sorry ass and get out, but leave the f—king kids out of it.
There is a lot more I would like to say but I realize this is falling on deaf ears. People like you don’t care about what happens to other people; all you care about is yourself.
By the way, if you are over there you should be thanking your BROTHERS everday for taking the heat for your sorry ass instead of bragging about what ever minimal role you are playing.
Wow. Perhaps you missed the name of this website–Alliance for Non-Custodial Parents Rights. I’m not here to prove anything to you. Whether you like it or not, whichever role I play in the military whether it’s combat, combat support, or combat service support, it aids in sustaining the quality of life you enjoy.
I can see that you are a very dangerous man filled with hatred for women. I’m sure if we dug into your background we’d find a battered ex-wife. You have no interest in improving the very system you complain about. Your only interest is to incite violence and hatred against women.
Three of us have vented our anger. Yet and still, we have managed to see the other’s point of view. These are the people that we need to combat the system in pursuit of a common goal– to reform the family court system and afford our children the right to have both parents in their lives. I can see that you are without rationale, therefore, you will never be able to face the fact that working women–not just soldiers (although soldiers are hurt by the system the most) are losing their children simply because they work. You will never understand that there is strength in numbers and like it or not, adding the women who are being shaftted in family court, increases the strength of the goal. You are of no use to the cause.
Like I said, falling on deaf ears. Irrational people refuse to acknowledge the facts; something you are very good at. In my opinion, anyone who pigheadedly refuses to look at the facts as you do is the DANGEROUS party. People like you are responsible for the deaths of thousands of men every year.
Sorry to disappoint you but there are no battered wives or women in my past; but I bet there are a few battered men and children in yours. The hate and anger you harbor are disturbingly obvious to anyone living in the real world; but that doesn’t include you.
You appear to be a hostile malcontent here only to spread your hate on this website. Your attacks against the author of this article are senseless and unwarranted. If you can’t refrain from such open hostility in the future, perhaps your comments would be more appreciated on one of the many feminist websites that would support your cause.
It is true there is strength in numbers, that’s why we need the support of the over 90% of the victims of this racket who just happen to be men. You, like all feminists, try to portray women as the victims of men. Most of us know the truth is very different.
This is off topic for this particular blog, but for any reasonable people out there who might be reading this, I think it is important to ask why any women claiming to be a victim of our family courts would seek help through this website.
Think about it.
Large numbers of feminist have been aggressively promoting women’s rights for the last 40 years. A huge part of their effort has been to see that women exclusively retain full custody of the children in a divorce. Why then would a supposed female victim of injustice seek help from the only people almost certainly not to be of any assistance? Feminist organizations with almost unlimited resources scammed from the taxpayers under the guise of helping female victims of male abuse (VAWA) would be chomping at the bit to help such “unfortunate victimsâ€.
In my opinion, it is important to realize that the feminist movement is a constant beehive of activity that will stop at literally nothing in the interests of promoting their twisted agenda. Infiltrating groups like this to try and cause a rift between their participants is not an uncommon tactic. I’m sure there is little they will not stoop to, including to masquerade as a part of our armed forces in order to make some obscure point. Any person claiming to be an active member of the armed forces should have no problem with divulging their real name, rank, and outfit they are serving with so that their identity can be verified. There is no reason to withhold that information other than fraudulent misrepresentation of ones self and motives.
There is a great deal at stake in the issues we are confronted with, not only as non-custodial parents, (by choice or by decree) but as Americans. I’m sure most Americans would have no stomach for some coward masquerading as a soldier to further the feminist cause. Furthermore, only a coward would brag about their service to country and accuse people at home of not appreciating the efforts of our armed forces, no matter how misguided their efforts might be.
Millions of men fall victim to this racket every year and thousands pay with their lives in this “war on men and families†EVERY YEAR. I am in this struggle for life, and fully intend to see the criminals guilty of perpetrating this injustice sent to the same prisons that they send their victims to. These criminals are a domestic enemy because they violate the constitutional rights of their victims; they do so in the purported “best interests of the children†but that is no excuse. They know full well that that is not the case and is only a “not so cleaver†way of justifying their criminal activities. All the data increasingly shows that their illegal activity is harming children and families, not helping them.
The truth is; if you cooperate with criminals then you are no better than they are. Do the right thing; find a way to stop cooperating with these criminals, and find a way to stop financing your own destruction.
Kevin M. Merck
This is a letter I recently sent to President Bush, Congressman Foley and Governor Bush requesting support: Evaluating my own situation, it has become clear why we have so many homeless veterans:
November 1, 2005
Congressman Mark Foley
104 Cannon HOB
Washington, DC
20515
Dear Congressman Mark Foley:
My name is Franklin Sr., SSN: xxx-xx-xxx and I currently reside in Florida. I served the United States Army honorably for 24 years and retired August 31, 2004. I am aware the following information mentioned can and should be reconciled in the court of law and it is not my true intentions requesting you to intervene in the State Court matters for my favorable outcome. This is not a political agenda and I am in no way trying to resist and escape responsibility. I am not perfect and have made many mistakes I painfully regret. With a strong will that is easily distracted by my overwhelming circumstances, I diligently continue working to increase my chances to be productive for a better life.
The purpose of this letter is to beg for mercy and compassion from retribution I will receive from the Department of Revenue. The methods they use to deter, enforce and compensate are counterproductive and so severe it will devastate and deprive my already desperate situation.
During my transition from active duty, my “current†wife aware of the financial hardship I am enduring supported the efforts to improve my financial affairs to include no child support payments until I fully recovered. With a pending divorce, numerous reconciliations and motions dating back to 2001, I was betrayed and without warning served a court order on October 18, 2005 from the Department of Revenue on her behalf.
Upon my retirement my income reduced dramatically and up to that point I was paying my child support to my “previous†wife in a timely manner. Now with a moderate income and anticipating employment that compliments my previous wages before and after I relocated, I am tasked to make amends the best way I can and still responsible for the same bills accrued prior. I begged the courts for leniency for child support and it was granted. However, not please with the outcome I was reported to the Department of Revenue. Unaware what their duties were, I was introduced to a merciless and relentless system that has no compassion with no favorable results on my behalf. In addition to my wages being garnished for child support and other debts, a court order to pay my former spouse additional money under the Uniform Services Former Spouse Protection Act and enforced to make payments on the Survivor Benefit Plan for my current wife I truthfully had no choice over, a ten dollar an hour job and increasing debt mounting, a catastrophic financial hardship is imminent.
Our beautiful and intelligent daughter, I love with all my heart and want the best for her, Franklin, 10 years old resides at address, Florida, is in no “financial†hardship due to my lack of support at this time. My wife is gainfully employed at WALMART as a Co-Manager after 18 years and living in her home with no mortgage payments. As of today, she attends a school in Florida and making excellent grades.
I have had a personal loss with my sons because of my commitment to duty, absence and the cruel psychological effects we all suffered from the judicial system process. Now, I am at the threshold of losing my daughter, pushing her away because I don’t want her to see and hear about my current state and my animosity towards her mother who is responsible for manipulating it.
After over six months of negotiating the United States Post Office hiring system, I am less then a month away to be notified for employment with better wages. However, interference from the Department of Revenue rigorous guidelines, my pending employment will be seriously compromised by reporting unfavorable information to designated agencies.
As of now, I am currently employed earning 10 dollars an hour. I have no current savings, exhausted from my transitioning and recovery. I do not live beyond my means. I live in a two bedroom apartment that compliments my 24 years of service and my daughter when she visits that demands her privacy. I cannot afford a lawyer to pursue my pending divorce. I am two months behind in my automobile payments, frequently harassed and at the brink of repossession. In arrears with my automobile and renters insurance, that will terminate if not paid immediately.
Moreover, a credit card garnishment from my retirement income and other numerous debts that cannot be maintained in a timely manner.
In addition to my financial afflictions, I was recently admitted to the Veterans Hospital, for Psychological conditions suffered during my tour in the Army, prescribed medication for that treatment and future counseling. Furthermore, during my initial physical and follow up, I was diagnosed with a decrease in the number of red blood cells that is associated to anemia and other blood ailments. Informed by the doctor, it may have resulted from exposure to depleted Uranium while deployed to Uzbekistan, in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. I am currently pending a Bone Marrow Biopsy and follow ups.
In the past, I was ashamed and angry to see homeless veterans on the corner begging for food or money. “How could they have put themselves in so much despair?†Now in hindsight, I challenged my thoughts and embrace my experiences, my struggle with regret. Is this how it started with them? Will that be my demise?
Despite my utter loss of hope and bitterness towards the people and the systems that suppresses me, I am still bound to be a responsible Father, a role model and a decent human being. I was a soldier with allegiance, gave 24 years of my life with unselfish sacrifices to protect the democracy and freedom of others. I take pride in that and is my motivation to succeed life after the Army.
With experience from my accomplishments, I cannot achieve my obligations, my goals and be responsible on my knees with my hands tied behind my back. I have to be fully capable to take care of my self first, before I can take care of others. I beg, please allow me the opportunity to resolve my responsibilities as a provider and commitment to pay my debts on my own merit, without being subdued by an overzealous organization. It will be a great advantage to my success and self-respect. In addition, my domestic matters can be settled in Family Court and I will be held accountable regardless of the outcome.
Finally, repressed from a previous encounter and under my current circumstances, the Department of Revenue strict procedures are not conducive to a positive transition from the United States Army and recovery, therefore, will hinder my progress with disastrous results.
Will the fruits of my labor become witness on a street corner?
I pray for mercy and compassion from you to defend this selfish deed facing me and the inevitable outcome. I am not deserving of it and any other honorable veteran yielding to scrupulous statutes, organizations and agencies that creates adverse consequences and severe hardship beyond their control.
Respectfully,
Franklin Sr.
Master Sergeant
United States Army, Retired
Cc: President George W. Bush
Governor Jeb Bush
What was the outcome of your letter Franklin Sr? I hope you got the support you seem to most certainly deserve. John